Maybe it's because of my weakened physical health (10 days and counting with sinusitis, woof. I am officially "that girl" on the bus these days that everyone cringes to sit next to), but it seems that my sneaky little ego is upping it's efforts to make me feel less than stellar.
Reaching into its go-to bag of tricks, the ego has pulled out the following slightly less-than-loving messages;
* Lose weight. You look about as sexy as a tree stump.
* You are a terrible friend. It's a wonder you manage to keep any kind of social circle outside of Blanche, Dorothy, Sophia and Rose. And by the way, haven't you seen this episode 42 times already? How are you still laughing so hard?
* You suck as a daughter, sister, cousin, niece. What a disappointment you are to your family. Tsk tsk. Shame on you.
* You've made so many past relationship mistakes there's no way you will ever be happy in a partnership again. Oh...you are currently happy? Ha. The other shoe is dangling, darlin'. You'll screw it up soon enough.
Yowza. Enter the swirling. You know that feeling? When one bad thought leads to another, pushing you down a critical path of nit picking, guilt carrying, self-hating judgments? As I was showering yesterday this kind of swirling was at an all time high. It was so bad, in fact, I realized that tears had been falling down my cheeks for a few minutes and I hadn't even noticed. My "Trish's Faults" list making was giving me a headache. What a craptastic way to start the week.
And then in the midst of my salty cheeked conditioning I suddenly heard my spirit say, ever so gently and quietly, let go, baby.
Phew. It was so good to hear from her.
There are certain things you can do to dig yourself out of these ego-driven funks. You can reach out to friends, go for a walk, have a dance party for one, take a bath, listen to good music, snuggle a snaggle toothed bulldog, etc etc etc. Actively shifting your perspective and placing yourself in positive scenarios is for sure a healthy and self-loving step to take towards sunnier days. But sometimes these things act as too-temporary band-aids. Sometimes to most effectively deal with the swirls you simply have to let go, baby. Stop clinging. Let it be. It is far better to be an observer of your life than a judge. So just observe. Stop thinking so much and observe. Is it really necessary for you to make heads or tails of the past? Or can you let go and let it live there without your judgments?
As for the future? Like my sweet B said on the phone yesterday, "Eh, you don't need to worry so much about the future. Just be here now".
Let go or be dragged. Damn, ain't it the truth.
I either love this dress and need to go back to purchase immediately...or I need to get a reality check that I am not, in fact, a Kardashian. Decisions, decisions.
Tut tut, stay together now.
Good Morning, San Francisco.
On our last day in Costa Rica the coaches leading the retreat had us sit for a few minutes in the beautiful outdoor yoga pavilion to partake in a final exercise of self-love. This exercise consisted of writing a letter to ourselves which would be sent in the following weeks post retreat, the idea being that it would serve as a reminder once thrust back into the "real world" of all we had learned and experienced during our magical time together.
Have you ever written yourself a letter of any kind, let alone a love letter? It may feel like a pretty silly practice--I know when I first held the pen in my hand I stared at the blank card and thought what the heck do I say to myself? This is a little goofy.
But then I stopped thinking with my ego and just let go (which could honestly be the tag line for my book on how-to-live-most-happily). I let my spirit quickly write this short and sweet note to myself without interruption from insecurities. Without re-reading what I wrote, I sealed the sucker up and handed it over to my coaches. The best thing about receiving my note a few days ago (besides the fact it was snail mailed and holy heck do I love me some snail mail) was that I had no memory of what I had written--it was as if I were seeing the words for the first time; as if someone else entirely had sent me this card. Even my handwriting is slightly off from my normal penmanship! Kinda trippy, right?
I debated on whether or not it would be "cool" to share this with you all here--admittedly it's a bit humbling (read: embarrassing) to showcase--but I think my readers, in all of their wonderfulness, will understand the point of my posting it. Plus, as a line from my favorite movie says, "The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what we share with someone else when we're uncool...":
"Miss Trish, my darling girl-
There's no denying that deep within your glorious soul there has always dwelled a sparkling, shiny, powerful light. Since birth you have had a gift to share, but I know thru the years it has been difficult to really acknowledge this--to activate it. I just wanted you to know that now is your time--now is all there ever is. I wanted to tell you that you are ready...and that not only do I wholly, completely, unconditionally love you but I will never, ever leave you. Shine, beautiful one. Soar. Play. Laugh. Share. Be. Trust. Connect. Travel. Explore. Write. LOVE. Always love. You will live beyond your wildest dreams; you will help others live beyond theirs. Me & You, kid.
I love your guts,
I've said it before--the one person you are stuck with for your entire life, is yourself. If you can't learn to make the effort in ensuring it's a positive relationship by practicing a lil self lovin' now and again then...well...life is going to be a heck of lot less enjoyable. I can guarantee it.
So, what would you lovingly tell yourself in a moment of uncool?
I bet you'd be surprised to see how awesome you think you are :)
Despite having a nasty germ filled body right now I am feeling grateful for my week spent with the goose...
And my ability to order In-N-Out as a lunchtime treat for our team, despite being home sick in bed...
And the blessing that is having company funded credits to Exec
, a service that charges $25 an hour for their help with an endless list of to-dos, errands, odd jobs, etc. Thanks to them I was able to have 2 vitamin C packed smoothies and 1 juice delivered from my favorite organic shop. How do we feel about my plan to drown and pee out the germs?