After winning an award for Best.Boyfriend.Ever over the weekend via this little surprise stunt, B continued to give me the warm fuzzies until yesterday morning when he sadly had to hop back on a plane to head east again.
Meh. Sad faces.
But, I am still so thankful for the time we did get to spend together and for all of his tricks and treats...Including his hand made book called The Grateful Boyfriend (that colorful guy you see above), which was 100 days worth of unique love and gratitude filled memories of me and us.
Pretty dreamy, right? Damn he is good...
On Tuesday, B escorted me to a coaching session with T and it made me happy-giggle so much to see them both embrace each other like old friends; huge smiles and "it is so good to finally meet you's" exchanged. After B left us to it, I began chatting about the weekend, my birthday, and all things love and relationships.
And then I began to confess, lump in my throat, about how deeply I have come to care for B and how...though I try to fight it...there are moments when I simply don't feel worthy of the loving kindness he gives to me (pours on me, really); that I worry one day he'll wake up and feel differently. That I'll hurt him, lose him or make a general mess of things because that's what "girls like me" do. That a part of me feels as if my life has become a mix of the best and most classic romantic comedies; Tom Hanks to my Meg Ryan kinda deal. That this can't possibly be something I am worthy of and that I am anxiously waiting for the other shoe to drop so I can finally just say, see? I knew it. Too good to be true. That I love him, very much, and therefore I am putting us both at risk.
In typical coaching fashion...and with a side of T being extra special, hence the lump in her throat as well...she then asked me "And what's it like to live in fear? What is life like, living in fear?"
The answer, of course, is not a pretty one.
So 29 is a year of new levels of fearlessness, from the ordinary to the extraordinary.
It is the year of vulnerability and open-hearted, intimate exchanges.
Of believing "girls like me" are worthy of big, bold and beautiful lives (and men as romantic as B).
Of knowing love is the only rational act and thus acting out of love, often.
Of pushing boundaries and saying farewell to the comfort zone. *gulp*
Of writing, exploring, traveling, dancing simply because it feels nourishing to do these things...because my spirit feels most alive in them.
Of being present and trusting the process more than ever.
Of gratitude for it all. Emphasis on the all.
And of owning with every ounce of my being the truth and strength and courage in this:
"She could never go back and make some of the details pretty. All she could do was move forward and make the whole beautiful." - Terri St. Cloud
Hello, 29. You're looking good, my friend.
love and light,