I'm a big dreamer who has a knack for waking up remembering said dreams, though I can't remember exactly how this particular one began.
Most of my dreams jump from topic to topic, location to location, interaction to interaction in entirely random ways. For example, I may be having a picnic with my sister one moment and then the next thing I know I'm trying to surf in the middle of a pod of dolphins while balancing a camera and a little dog on my board...Or I'm kissing some random person like Antonia Banderas, whom I have zero attraction to in real life...Or I'm trying to fly but instead I can only manage to make swimming motions to move through the air and end up exhausted and frustrated back on the ground. (Yes, all of these have been dreamt). Most of the time my dreams are complete silly nonsense and I've been known to wake up saying "what the hell..." on many a morning.
But I'm also a believer in my dreams occasionally helping to send me ideas, inspiration, closure and...whether or not you choose to believe me, I swear it's true!...glimpses of the future.
In this dream, I was in the middle of giving birth. Yep. Full on, big bellied, feet in the stirrups, doctors buzzing around me, sweaty labor. My mom was there. As a real-life nurse, this made sense on a number of levels. She was holding my hand and coaching me through my breathing, taking her eyes off me only to turn and instruct the hospital staff on what to do or what I needed. There was an obvious absence of any partner in the room and, as it often happens with dreams, I knew right away without being told that there was no partner in life in general. It was just me.
After a few moments of blurry movement they placed the tiny being in my arms, swaddled in soft pink blankets. I looked down at her face, then up to my moms, who patted my arm and turned to give me time alone with the baby. I looked back down to her.
I knew instantly that she was me.
I know how trippy this sounds. Trust me, I really do. But I also know how coconuts in the most awesome way possible this dream was, too. I had given birth to myself. Crazy, right? Not in a "whoa this little baby looks just like I did when I was born" way or in a me-at-25-but-miniature way. I knew she was me in a her soul is my soul, her life is my life way.
And then the most amazing thing happened.
I looked at her tiny face and said out loud, "I love you. You are safe. I will never leave you." I held her for a number of minutes; loving her intensely and fully for her authentic self. Acknowledging her light as equal to mine.
Needless to say I woke up with tears streaming down my face.
This dream occurred during a time when I was making numerous fear-based decisions. I was forgetting to acknowledge what I really wanted, regardless of what everyone else wanted for me. I was ignoring my inner voice and continuing down a path that was clearly broken and destructive, to say the least. I was being an emotional masochist; repeating the same patterns over and over and expecting a different outcome each time. How could I love myself when I didn't even *like* who I was?
I want to be exactly who I am designed to be. Who doesn't? Even in the wake of Steve Job's passing we can see this intense human desire lighting up the world of social media in the form of one of his most quotable sentiments; "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma -which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."
I want to be exactly who I am and this dream was the kick start to understanding that it has to start with me. Giving birth to myself--holding myself while pouring love and protection on to that small life--was about as symbolic as any symbolic dream could be; I have to love myself for exactly who I am, first. Then, and only then, will my intuition be fully able to guide me to the beautiful places, people, adventures I crave for my life.
It's safe to be me. It's safe to be you, too.
Hoping you're loving yourselves big time today.