Whenever I am struggling with making a decision, big or small, I usually find the best course of action is to take a moment to visualize myself being really joyous in whatever outcome the Universe deals me. I focus on letting relief and contentment wash over me as if the right choice has already been made. And then, I give it up. I release my worries to a higher power and trust that if I continue to breathe deeply and listen to my heart, the right path will reveal itself to me. This is, of course, not always an easy process. My ego, my fears and my swirly nature can make this process almost impossible at times. But when I do manage to center myself...man, the results are pretty bad ass.
My most recent (incredibly) small decision has to do with my hair. Yes, yes, I know...how silly a thing to stress over. But bear with me here. I've been debating for months on whether or not I should stay brunette, go blonde, go dark, get highlights, etc etc. While on the surface this is truly a remedial thing to have even an ounce of worry over, I see now that my concerns were actually quite symbolic of my day-to-day nerves over staying true to myself. I was afraid that choosing to change my hair meant I was trying to change *me*; that it was a sign I wasn't comfortable in my own skin (I haven't had "virgin hair" since I first colored it at 16) and that I felt I needed to superficially improve myself in order to feel good...and I really did not want this to be the case. Being me, Patricia Louise, has been my #1 goal for the past few years. I hated the idea of back pedaling on all of the progress I'd made...but I also was feeling a bit stalled. In short, I was feeling afraid to move forward because I was afraid of losing myself. I lost her a time or 2 in the not so distant past and I was terrified to go down that road again.
As I was looking in the mirror the other morning having my usual internal dialogue over how to deal with my grown-out roots and a-little-too-light tips I paused for a moment. I paused for a moment and gave it up. I gave it up and felt secure in the knowledge that eventually the answer would reveal itself and I just had to be patient while waiting. And whaddya know, that very same day I received a message from a stylist friend-of-a-friend of mine letting me know one of her co-workers needed a color hair model the following morning. As it is a teaching salon, for just $25 I could have my hair modified by a student (closely supervised by the professional). $25!? That is unheard of. Usually a color treatment will run me $130-170, depending on the salon. OK, Universe. I get it. It's time. Let's do it.
I loved the salon, Grasshopper, immediately. Taking a seat on the plush waiting room couch I was welcomed by quite the peaceful glow. How could I not feel Zen in an atmosphere like this?!
And because the Universe loves sending us messages (if we open our hearts to receiving them) I then naturally flipped open a magazine to the following page....
After about 20 minutes of chatting and visualizing with the stylists, I finally said "I trust you." and let the magic happen.
Me and my brave "whatever happens, happens...it's just hair for gosh sake!" face...
The result was exactly what I didn't even know I wanted; a blend of super soft and natural highlights framing just my face, as if I'd been kissed by the sun during a beach vacation. It felt very Trish, which made me very happy. The change is so subtle that this photo really doesn't do it justice, but I would say it's a summery version of my natural hair color. As a June baby who grew up by the shore, I feel this is quite fitting :)
After the salon I ate lunch for one in the park across the street, courtesy of The American Grilled Cheese Kitchen. What could be better than a sunny bench surrounded by flowers and folks walking their dogs with a grilled cheese, tomato soup and Arnold Palmer meal? Very few things, my friends. Very few things.
Yesterday evening the girls and I went for a brisk walk with some coffee and stopped to take in the beauty of our city. I always find it to be so much more difficult to be in a stinky mood outdoors; it's a go-to quick fix for me and my "funks". Get outside. Go for a walk. Breathe in the scent of salt water. Be grateful for your surroundings.
As if the new hair, the magazine message and the company of loving friends, coffee and a Golden Gate sunset weren't enough, one of my favorite singer/song writers posted a new tune on her blog yesterday. The message is about as fitting to my life as any song could possibly be right now. Last night as I sat in my cozy studio apartment, on my bed that has become my sanctuary, eating a bowl of fresh raspberries and pita crackers with herb goat cheese while enjoying Tristan's voice and message I suddenly realized how incredibly fortunate I am. I realized what an incredible time in my life this is. Such a simple and lovely moment. Have a listen to Miss Prettyman here :)
If giving up my worries, trusting the journey and remaining in a constant state of love can yield me a week like the simple and joyful one I'm having now, I see no reason to ever change that flow.
"You should listen to your heart, it's gonna tell you what you need..."