Last night some friends and I decided it'd be fun to hit the local bars in celebration of the holidays, and it turned out to be quite the Phillies filled evening!
First up; Pat Burrell. Pat the Bat Burrell has quite the reputation as a smug and cocky ladies man who says ridiculous things and yet still gets laid on the regular...and I promise you, last night he did not disappoint.
Pat: Excuse me ladies, I just want to put these empties on the bar...
Jenny: You just spilled on me.
Pat: Oh I'm sorry. I like your friend. (points directly in my face)
Jenny: I'm her pimp.
Pat: I don't like girls who have pimps.
Pat walks away. End Act One.
Tricia is making her way to the bathroom when she gets pulled over by Pat...
Pat: Where you goin?
Trish: Bathroom, I gotta pee.
Pat: Can you put your arm around me, too? (he had his arm around me)
Trish: Um, sure? (I put my arm around him and he introduces me to his friends)
Pat: You're really good looking.
Trish: Thanks! I'm a Phillies fan you know. I liked you better on the Phils.
Pat: Ugh I love Philly. But what would happen if Chase Utley were to walk in right now?
Trish: What? Pat, do you have a complex about Chase Utley? A little jealous? He's not really my type...too cute and friendly to animals. (note: I was being sarcastic. Sarcasm was completely missed.)
Pat (dead serious): I know. People are dying and they care about dogs...
Trish (laughing): Right, totally...well I'm gonna hit up the bathroom now!
Pat: 1 or 2?
Trish (still laughing): Um...1. I have to pee.
Pat: Nice, come back to me, OK?
End of Act Two. Yes, Pat Burrell asked me if I was going to 1 or 2.
This one is admittedly a little fuzzy as I had a few more drinks in between but the highlights include:
1. Pat interrupting my sentences to tell me I'm pretty. Thank you, Patrick. This is clearly not your first rodeo.
2. Pat telling me he's 34, divorced and doesn't have kids but that's the whole reason he got married in the first place...to have kids. But apparently the wifey wanted to adopt and he did not. Major bummer.
3. Me telling him "well, there's no script to life" and him saying "So true" and then hugging me.
And then suddenly Chase Utley walks by and Brian and I have 30 seconds to snag a photo. Guess Pat does not have a complex after all and Chase literally did walk into the bar.
For the record, he's a complete babe in person.
And upon leaving the bar Pat politely came up to shake my hand and say 'nice to meet you'.
What a great way to start my West Coast Christmas!!
love, light and philly lovin,