Nosara, Costa Rica
"You know that dreamy look of deep, soulful love you've sometimes seen in the eyes of another as they gazed into your own, Tricia ?
Expect a lot more of it.
ps- You are so deserving."
During my magical Costa Rican retreat I dug down deep into the depths of my being and I came up with...much to my surprise and delight...so. much. space. Space for connection. Space for forgiveness and patience, trust and faith. Space for what is yet to come.
Space, most importantly, for love.
When my friends come to me with questions on love and relationship struggles I almost always start my humble opinion off with the notion that there is truly no script to life. What works for one individual or one couple does not necessarily work for another. My opinion is simply that--just one single thought in a sea of millions. But, here is what I think is most important for them to remember regardless of the specific situation; s.p.a.c.e.
1. It is crucial to ask yourself what it is you really want and whether or not you are being entirely authentic. Can you speak your truth? Is this a space of openness?
2. How much of this "problem" is about the other person? And I mean really about them. Check in with yourself. What personal fears or doubts or insecurities might you be projecting on them to cause a disturbance in your flow together? Is there a blockage in your shared space from anything dealing with the past? Open up to the space of now, instead.
3. Hold space for you. Expand. Explore the abundance of possibilities found in opening your heart to others with love and compassion. But don't force it. Real love is an exchange between 2 people. Sure, some days one person will naturally make more of an effort than the other...heck, some months or years this may be true. But as a general rule, your space should feel as if there is a core of common ground. Strength in your differences; comfort where you overlap.
4. Let go a little. Space for breathing room (deep, full bellied breathing room) can work wonders on a sticky situation. My friend and coworker always tells me to "give it 100 hours" before making a move. My bestie always says "patience, young grasshopper".
And to my fabulously single readers, I give you Pema Chodron:
I loved my friend Kim's comment on my surfing post 2 days ago--I think it actually applies quite beautifully here;
"....Learning to surf is so much about just showing up. Spending time in the water, even if you're not 'catching waves' is educational and important. And there's no way to know when that breakthrough is coming. Let's say each person needs to attempt (and fail) at a certain number of waves. For you, it could be 25 waves. For me, it could be 78, for someone really good, it's probably 5 waves. The point is, you don't know exactly how many waves it's going to take for you to stand up, but every attempt puts you one wave closer to your magic number. So it would be pretty silly to for me to give up on wave 77, if my breakthrough wave is just around the corner at #78."
Dead on, Kim!
I guess what I'm trying to say is, for me (and my humble recommendation to you is), even if it takes 1,000 more tries, I will never stop opening my heart for love and those deep, soulful gazes.
I will never stop exploring the boundless space of my heart in every friendship, relationship, partnership or brief encounter...and with myself, too!
Single or not-so-single, I hope you continue to widen your heart. I promise, love is waiting to rush in...
...And you are so deserving.