"Boys are stupid and girls are crazy", he said as we reached for our freshly served bottles of Bud Light. I giggled in response and then thought "wait, that might actually be true...and the most accurate, albeit highly generalized, summary of the sexes...ever."
In my incredibly humble life experience I have found that women like to analyze (and then re-analyze, 10-110 more times) everything, particularly when we are not feeling our most confident. We are swirlers and "but what does this text *really* mean??"-ers. Men prefer to not have to explain or analyze anything. These differences (among many others--we are from different planets after all), I have found, make dating one of the most fascinating and confusing facets of being human. This is especially true as I get older and realize whoa, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing.
While perusing some of Tristan Prettyman's old blog posts (she's a great source for a quick, soulful pick me up) I stumbled upon this little gem of a thought;
"Last night, driving home. I was wondering where and when do we start to develop all these pre-conceived notions about how dating is supposed to go, how relationships are supposed to be, what the woman is responsible for, or what the man needs to be doing. It seems like we are growing out of all that. If you like someone let them know. Whatever comes up for you, however much you can give, be honest. However you are feeling, express it. If you are scared that what you might say, might scare that person away. Then you really should say it, cause that almost always means you are painting this picture of what someone wants you to be, and you already know you are about to shatter it by revealing the real you."
This concept is so eye opening for me at this stage of my life. In the end it's true what they say; those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. The truth eventually finds it's way into the open, including the truth of who we are. The best relationships I know of are those built on "I love you for exactly who you are. I give you the space to be you." So why am I finding it so hard to confidently be exactly who I am? Why am I constantly finding myself cycling through varying levels of disappointment in the way a relationship may or may not be playing out; placing so much weight on just a fraction of my otherwise fabulous life? And why...why oh why...do I seem to suck at dating?
My life coach (yea you read that right!) said something really (and simply) profound in response to my "I don't know how to date!!" rant during our last session together; "I think you need to begin to trust the process". And I knew, instantly, that she was right. I knew that I have been worrying too much over timing. I have been stressing over the "deeper meaning" of small and insignificant actions, moments, gestures. I have been putting too much value on things that do not bring me the joy I deserve while ignoring the things that do. I was sending myself into spirals of self doubt instead of just being present and trusting the process. Whatever the outcome, I need to believe that it is all a part of the Universe working for my higher good. I need to recognize that if someone doesn't end up a permanent fixture in my life, then it was truly for the best. I can choose to take what I learned from my time with them and move forward without disappointment (in myself or others). I can choose to listen to my favorite part of the Holstee Manifesto; "If you are looking for the love of your life; stop. They will be waiting for you when start doing things you love."
And of course, just as I'm mulling over these thoughts to post on this blog, the Universe follows up with an answer in the form of a Tweet from author Gay Hendricks;
"The lesson of learning love is simple but maddeningly hard to master. It is this: You are the creator of your life."
Maddeningly hard. That about hits the nail on the head. But let's keep trying, OK?
Cheers to being ourselves, always; cheers to trusting and enjoying the process.
Love and Light,