....and a few weeks ago I pulled a pretty bitch move, thus gifting myself a true karmic retribution on Tuesday.
It all started at a local bar. A friend and I were chatting about our weeks, enjoying (what else) some cold Bud Lights and minding our own business. We must have been standing in the same spot for easily 30 minutes when a couple decided to park their conversation right in front of us. No big deal so far. After a few minutes the girl in the duo began taking steps backwards closer and closer to me until she was, literally, leaning up against me, straggles of hair tickling my face, heels stepping on my foot. Perhaps she doesn't know I'm here, I thought as Drea and I looked at each other with half laughing what-is-this-chick-doing? faces. So I gently leaned back into her to make her aware there was a person behind her. She didn't budge. I leaned a little harder and politely cleared my throat. She didn't budge. She then said to her male friend, loudly enough for me to hear, "This f*cking girl is pushing into me." and took another step back into me.
Initiate bitch mode.
Now, I want to preface my response by saying I was not raised in a home that would approve of my behavior. While my parents were great about letting my sister and I know that if we ever fell victim to someones physical violence against us we better come back swinging (we were raised to stick up for ourselves), they would never applaud or condone catty behavior. I guess what I'm trying to say is I am not proud of what followed...and that, at the end of the day, I know better.
Upon hearing the personal space invaders comment I reacted almost instantly. Glancing down to see her pointy heels dangerously treading near my TOMS shoes covered toes (my foot still burning from her first stabbing) I noticed an opening in her purse just slightly bigger than the bottle top of my beer. Wordlessly, I tipped my bottle into the opening and emptied glug....glug....glug....glug....4 solid glugs of it's hoppy contents into her bag behind her back. I was both mortified and sickly satisfied with myself. The space invader ended up walking away moments afterwards, having zero idea that her belongings were currently marinating in a bag of $3 "sure sign of a good time".
Early Tuesday morning I boarded a plane from Philadelphia back to San Francisco, post wedding festivities. I was sleepily making my way onto the aircraft when a gentleman boarding behind me tapped me on the shoulder and said "Excuse me miss, but your bag seems to be dripping..." Huh?, I thought. Oh CRAP! The $4 airport bottle of orange juice that I had just purchased had cracked open and decided to empty 80% of it's contents into my purse/carry-on. My books, magazines, wallet, ear buds, keys, makeup, sunglasses, FlipHD camera, etc were saturated in the sticky and acidic substance sitting in a pool at the bottom of my bag (thankfully I grabbed my iPhone in time). For the next 40 minutes I used about 658 US Airways cocktail napkins to try and clean up the spill--and then sat for the next four and half hours smelling like OJ and wanting to gag. I carried my belongings home in a trash bag.
I mean c'mon...if that isn't karma, I don't know what is. And honestly...I had it coming.
If nothing else I'm grateful for the reminder to act more kindly; to know that while I can't control the behavior of others, I can control my reactions. I'm grateful for the reminder to be the bigger person..even if it really seems like the offender "has it coming". Nobody wins with unkind behavior.
Karma's a bitch only if you are. True story.
In Minute Maid sure did teach me a lesson Gratitude,