"Are you ever serious?", he asked as I playfully danced around his room, talking in silly voices while he packed for yet another business trip. I would have giggled at his observation if it hadn't been delivered with rolled eyes and a sigh of disapproval. Am I not serious enough? I pouted as I carefully took a seat next to the pile of clothes yet to be packed. Do I have a maturity issue or something? We'd been dating off and on for about 7 months, by which I mean we were together when he wasn't too busy to make time for me or had a sudden (and always fleeting) need to feel coupled up. His comment stung me deeply and was, I believe, the first true a-ha moment I had that our "union" was not sustainable.
Isn't it funny how someone can make a characteristic you've always liked about yourself seem like the absolute worst quality you possess with one simple snide comment? How a single opinion can weigh more dark and heavily on our hearts than the one you lovingly believe for yourself?
Looking back I can't help but shake my head at the fact I actually asked myself if I wasn't a serious enough person. C'mon, Trish, give yourself a little credit! Anyone who knows me at all knows I certainly do not coast through life poo-pooing the serious. Heart to hearts, confiding, sharing intimacy--these are all things I greatly cherish within my relationships. If you are willing to be vulnerable and authentic with me, then let me go ahead and crack open a bottle of wine so we can share our stories properly and with open hearts and minds. But anyone who knows me at all also knows I am prone to a case of the sillies. In summary--I love to laugh only slightly less than making others laugh. Can this pull towards playfulness sometimes be used as a coping mechanism in life? Absolutely. I know all too well that I occasionally use humor to deter sadness, anger or insecurity. Yet I also know life will deal you serious cards whether you like it or not. I know that even our best laid plans fall subject to deviation; even our greatest intentions can spiral out into messy situations. The ying and yang of living dictates we may experience some painful shit during our time on this planet, ya know? So to me, it's a question of why waste your time stewing and brewing and worrying and taking everything oh so seriously when we have the glorious choice of seeing humor (and LIGHT) in every dark nook and cranny. Sharing heart felt sentiments with another living soul is only ever upped...in my very humble opinion...by sharing a belly aching laugh with them.
I said it in the "About" section of this blog and I'll say it again here: I'm serious about living, but I don't take myself too seriously. I love my playful, childlike sense of quirky humor. There, I said it! I'm putting it out there as an affirmation for myself: I. Love. Being. Playful.
And you know what? I know the right partner will someday love it, too.