Sometimes when I think about all of the things I'd like to accomplish in my lifetime--the places I desperately want to visit, the career paths I'd like to try (and succeed in!), the goals I set and hopes I have--I end up keeping myself up at night trying to figure out the fastest way to bring it all to fruition. There's not enough time!, I'll think. Where will you even start? Do you have to get another degree for that? Can you survive if this idea ends up failing? How can so and so make it look so easy?! Will anyone even be interested in what you're doing/saying? What is most important to accomplish? Is it possible to balance it all? Can you be satisfied...ever? I wouldn't say I stay up *stressing*, per say, but I certainly have spent many a late night hour scheming and plotting and planning myself into mental exhaustion.
Confession: having patience with myself has never been my strong suit. I am truly a child of the instant gratification generation; I want it all and I want it as quickly as possible. I want answers. I want results. I want rewards for my efforts. I want things to have meanings I can understand. What do you mean this scenario *is* simply because it just...*is*? Unacceptable! Just as my wellness coach pointed out, I'm not the greatest at trusting the process. I usually consider the unknown my nemesis (man I can be terrified of him) when really I should be embracing it as a friend; accepting it, leaning into it, learning to let go and flow in it.
The other morning as I was getting ready for work after a somewhat restless sleep (filled with mental list making and scheming), I untangled a necklace that was given to me as a Christmas present a little while back. I thought I'd lost the piece (sorry, Kell!! mega friend fail :-/ at least I found it?) and was delighted to see it had been hiding in my makeup bag all along. I was also delighted to re-receive it's message.
My dear friend gifted me this incredibly thoughtful compass necklace during a time of pretty huge changes in my life. A time when I'm sure many of our phone calls or gchat catch ups centered around my swirlings of what am I supposed to do now? Where should I go from here? I've made a huge mess of things and now I don't know what to do to move forward. It's no wonder she felt the need to send me a little guidance.
Second confession: For a solid 3 year period I felt pretty paralyzed with fear. I made all of my decisions out of fear. I let fear be my guide...which, let me tell you, is a terrible decision. Fear can be a great motivator for sure, I won't deny that. But it can also make you feel even more lost if you let it dominate your every move. Fear often causes a complete lack of true action (i.e. action most true to *you*) and leaves all of your dreams, hopes and goals stuck in an endless cycle of "but it's not happening fast enough! Will it ever happen at all??! I don't think I can do this...".
When I glance down at this necklace that rests just beside my heart (seriously, could it be any more symbolic?) I am reminded there are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going. Sometimes, you have to take the long road; the long, high, rocky, bumpy road. I am reminded that my internal compass is all I need to guide me into whatever life path I desire. Faith, love, gratitude and kindness. These are my north, south, east and west. When I trust in them, fully embody them, it's impossible to be lead down any path that won't serve me in the end.
I am loving my life right now, even the imperfections. Taking a daily dose of patience (dang that pill can be hard to swallow) with a side of faith, love, gratitude and kindness is proving to yield me joyous life results. I am stoked to see what else I can accomplish with these by my side.
Sending you all good thoughts that you have the courage to listen to your internal compass, to have patience with yourselves and the willingness to make the unknown your buddy :)